Move 'Em On, Head 'Em Up, Cut 'Em Out, Ride 'Em In

By Tom
San Carlos, Nicaragua

(Editor's note: don't miss Julia's post below this one! -we both posted on the same day.)

Our journey away from the Caribbean coast was much more pleasant and uneventful than the trip in the other direction. The ferry from the Little Corn Island was fast and steady on a glassy flat ocean, we spent only 90 minutes in Bluefields before catching the next boat, and the panga upriver to Rama was clear, cool, and pleasant in the fading light of dusk. The next morning, we took a somewhat cramped and uncomfortable bus out of Rama back into the hilly Western portion of Nicaragua to the town of Juigalpa. It's a dusty ranching town without much going on. We thought that it would be brief, dull layover before we caught the bus the next morning. In fact, we were pleasantly surprised that the yearly fair and rodeo was in town.

The fair was centered around the park in the center of town and included stalls selling everything from cotton candy, to jeans, to used electronics, to cheap plastic shit from China. There were four rides, three of which were Ferris Wheels of different sizes, and one was a ride for toddlers where they sat in plastic "trucks" and went around in a circle. There was also a small horse ride, similar to American pony rides.

I found all of this very confusing. First of all, why would any Nicaraguan kid want to ride a horse tethered to a wheel around in a circle when horses are still a primary mode of transportation in this country? That would be like a suburban American teenager wanting to go on a "Soccer Mom SUV Ride" at the fair. Second, since most products in Nicaragua are sold from fly-by-night wooden stands with black plastic on the roof, what about a fair makes this any different? It seemed like the only change was that the vendors on the fringes of town were allowed to move into the center of town for one weekend. And most importantly, if rides at the fair in the U.S. are broken down death-contraptions operated by drug addicts and pedaphiles, how would anyone trust their life to them in Nicaragua? I didn't notice any sticker on the side of the rusting, creaking machines stating their last date of safety inspection. The ride where the toddlers rode trucks seemed to be operating at speeds that looked as though the centrifugal force would send a child splattered against a nearby building at any moment.

We then wandered up the street to the rodeo where the real fun began. The rodeo was what every tobacco-spit dripping redneck in the United States would love to have if we lived in a world without lawyers. It was similar to American rodeos except that instead of just a bullrider and a rodeo clown in the ring, there were hundreds of drunken young men diving out of the way of the kicking, thrashing bull. The bullrider wore no padding and the drunken men were not just occasionally, but routinely gored and stomped by the bull. When this happened, several other drunken men would pick up their limp body and hustle them out of the ring. Attorneys in the U.S. would be having heart attacks, as I'm sure none of those young men signed participation waivers, and the dilapidated wood and wire cage that we stood in as spectators was also noticeably absent of proper fire exits. The spectators were all dressed up exactly like they do at similar events in Montana and Wyoming. In front of Julia and I stood five little girls dressed head to toe in cowgirl outfits, for whom we bought some cotton candy and a balloon animal from a passing clown.

This morning we got up and caught an old noisy bus that seemed to be falling apart bolt by bolt. After 5 hours on what is widely described as "the worst road in Nicaragua," I understood why. I've heard of roads in East Africa described as "The place where vehicles go to die" and I believe this is the Central American equivalent. It was a washboard dirt road that was frequently less than 1 lane wide with wooden bridges that were so narrow it seemed as though the bus was simply floating 15 feet above the water. Still, the day was sunny and pleasant, the scenery spectacular, and despite the stuffing bursting out of the seats, the ride was overall quite comfortable.

So now we're back on Lake Nicaragua on the opposite corner from Granada. We've got a quick trip down the Rio San Juan for the next few days before we take boat back down to San Jose, Costa Rica midweek.